My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
