I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Watching her eat just hurts me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
