Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
