I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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