Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
