Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
