he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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