Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
