I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
