Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
