So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
