Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
