i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
