I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
