Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
