we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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