she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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