I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
