Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
