I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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