Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
