When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
