I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
