I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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