I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
