I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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