Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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