On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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