Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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