As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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