I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
