I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
