We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
