My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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