wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
