we have pet lesbian snakes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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