i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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