I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
