hotel room ftw
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
