do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
