this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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