apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My balls are so social today.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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