Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
