wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
