So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
