Can i not drive my cunt home
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
