Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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