Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh god it's open bar.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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