Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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