He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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