He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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