I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
