Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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