No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
